Zoom, Zoom, Zooma, Zoom

So today's gonna be a light day...a trip down memory lane.

(Don't we all need a little levity right now?)

Way back in the 70s was a little show called Zoom.



I loved this show. I wanted to BE on this show. (The closest I ever got was being on the local ABC affiliate's taping of Romper Room for a week...it just wasn't the same...although meeting Busy Bee was pretty damn cool.)

I remember wanting to be Bernadette from Zoom. She could do the coolest thing with her arms. I tried and tried and tried...but I could never do it.

Sighs with resignation to NEVER reaching my Bernadette potential.

One season I semi-got my act together, though, and sent in my S.A.S.E. to request my Official Zoom Card.

Zoom Cards were the best thing on the planet...well...at least that's what I thought when I was 8.

I was convinced that if I could just get a Zoom Card and follow the instructions to do whatever project was on back...I would, finally, reach my Bernadette potential.

You all remember the Zoom Card S.A.S.E. song, don't you? To this day, I know the Zip Code for Boston, Massachusetts because of that dumb song ending...O-2-1-3-4!!!!!!

Requesting a Zoom Card was a crap shoot...you didn't know what show activity would be detailed on the card. But it didn't matter to me what they sent...how to carve a kayak from a pine tree...how to make a lightbulb from a potato...I didn't care. I just had to get a Card.

I remember sending off the S.A.S.E. It was 1978...and my little heart was filled with hope. I was going to be like BERNADETTE!

I waited and waited for my card. Every day I'd run home and check the mail...a la Ralphie and his Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring.

But the card never came...I didn't even get a crummy Ovaltine ad.

I was crushed.

But young hearts heal fast. I soon forgot about my S.A.S.E. The show went off the air...and Bernadette and her crazy arms no longer plagued me.

Then one day...in early 1980...something happened.

I came home from school and found I had...a letter!

It was addressed to me...from me...in my handwriting. And the postal date stamp was from Boston, Massachusetts...0-2-1-3-4!

I had no idea what it could be...and then I remembered that S.A.S.E. that I had sent off so long ago.

Dare I hope? I can still be like Bernadette, I thought to myself.

I ripped open the envelope and there it was...my salvation...it, it'was...a Zoom Card?

The "card" was this pitifully small and flimsy piece of paper, folded in half with Zoom written on one side and instructions for a project on the other.

And what was this life-altering project that I could accomplish, now that I had the wisdom of the Zoom Card?

Tie-dying.

Friggin' TIE-DYING!

I stared at the piece of paper in disbelief. I had waited two years for THIS?!

I scuffed my penny loafer on the floor of my parents' dining room and shoved up the sleeve of my Oxford shirt. Tie-dying was as useless to me now as Bernadette was.

Pffttthh....friggin' Zoom.

I threw the card away...and never looked back. Yeah, Zoom was an educational show alright...and the lesson it taught me?

Life ain't all Zoom Cards and Bernadettes, baby. Get used to it.

But Zoom wasn't the only show that helped mold and form this adult you read before you now.

No.

There was another little show called..."The Electric Company."

Sure Crank creeped me out beyond belief, but other than his lame ass...the show was the coolest thing I had ever seen.

I used to LOVE the Spiderman segments, but what I remember most were the songs and graphics from the show. They were trippy, sure, but they were also some of the catchiest and grooviest tunes ever. Why don't kids shows have stuff this cool today? "The Electric Company" kicks "The Wiggles" ass (sorry, Taylor...no offense).

Listen and observe:

Sidenote: I have actually stayed the night at the home of Easy Reader (Morgan Freeman). Mr. Freeman's wife, Myrna Colley-Lee, is a board member for the Mississippi Arts Commission, where I worked for four years as public relations director. She hosted a retreat at their home in Mississippi a couple of years ago and I attended...it was beautiful. Morgan wasn't there...but I did see photos of him and knick-knacks and awards belonging to him. It was pretty cool.

And what Gen X childhood reminiscence would be complete without referencing Schoolhouse Rock.

These were some of the most creative tools for kids my age to learn about how a bill becomes a law...or how to eat healthy...or how to multiply. I dare anyone to listen to these songs and NOT start humming along. I just don't understand why this kind of stuff isn't around anymore.

Now, I'm a bit of a rebel when it comes to "Schoolhouse Rock." I never liked "Conjunction Junction." I thought the video was LAME and the song sucked. My all-time favorite "Schoolhouse Rock" song was "A Noun is a Person, Place, or Thing." But my favorite video was "Interjections."



To this day, my brother, Ben, and I will still sing "Beans and Rice" when Mama cooks them sometimes thrice. (Yeah...we're dorks...wanna make something of it?!)


Finally, I had to make mention of the trippiest, most bizarre blob of a character...Timer. I can't tell you how many nightmares were induced by his psychedelic travels through my body...my refrigerator...my teeth...my kitchen counter tops...etc.


I think all children should be taught by trippy, mind-blowing characters who may or may not smoke pot but who sing crazy soulful songs that you can't quit humming.

Hmmm...I wonder who could fill that role?

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