Six Pies...the AMAs...and a Haircut

Pumpkin Pie & Taylor Hicks' new haircut...a lot to be thankful for.

Over the last two nights, I have baked six pies for Thanksgiving. I make all the desserts every year to help out my mom. (This was a light year...usually I do seven pies and a cake.)

So...in honor of Thanksgiving...I offer you three family recipes from the Powers.

In honor of all that is music...I offer you a few of my scattered thoughts on Tuesday night's American Music Awards.

And in honor of how hawt Taylor Hicks looks with his new haircut...I offer you drool-covered pics of the Monkbot Supreme.

Sue Powers' Magic Pumpkin Pie

1 9-inch unbaked pie shell
2 cups canned pumpkin
1 1/2 cups (15.5 oz. can) Eagle Brand Sweetened condensed Milk
1 egg
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon

In large-size mixing bowl, blend together all ingredients. Turn mixture into pie shell. Bake in 375 F moderate oven until sharp-blade knife inserted near center comes out clean. 50-55 minutes. Cool. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.

I used to anticipate the AMAs like Christmas...well...maybe like Labor Day...but still...it was a big deal for me growing up.

But, I'm now grown up...and I could care less about this show.

I care so very little that I couldn't tell you who won what...even if you paid me. The only reason I watched was to see Taylor. However, since I did watch, allow me to share my thoughts on some of the performers and presenters.

Kicking off with audience shots and a great performance by Beyonce', the auditorium boasted the biggest collection of bored-looking people I've seen in my life. No one looked comfortable in their own skin...and no one really looked happy to be there.

Jimmy Kimmell hosted the event and...poor guy...he obviously didn't get the memo that he was supposed to be funny.

His jokes were obvious and, at times, crass. He joked about Fed-X being a loser...Snoop Dogg being a pothead...and Tony Hawk breaking his penis.

How lovely.

Britney Spears made her first appearance since filing for her D-I-V-O-R-C-E. And...ever the lady...clomped out on stage, chomping on a wad of gum. She must have shared her pack of Bubbleliscious with members of Nickleback who came on stage to accept the first award of the night...and were also chewing away.

Somehow I feel their parents failed them for this behavior. It makes me sad.

Carrie Underwear...I mean Underwood...performed next. She looked so pretty and performed like a pro...even when she stood from her stool and revealed that someone had obviously stolen the front of her dress. It's a good think she had shaved. This time of year, my upper thighs are like Shetland ponies...so let's hope and pray I never get the front of my skirt stolen.

The next performance was by the oh-so refined and demur Pussycat Dolls. I hated their "song" and their "singing" and their "dancing." The only thing that made them worth watching was when one of them almost busted as she was trying to mount a chair. I'm assuming that chair mounting is now considered a sexy move. Maybe I should work up a routine.

Josh Groban followed. He sang a little sharp at times but overall it was a nice song. I just hate that I had a hard time concentrating on him because of the flip-flopping Jumbotron behind him of scenic mountains and deserts and sunset. About halfway through, I began screaming "Make it stop! Make it stop!" And, at that point, I kind of lost focus on Joshie.

Nelly Fertado was next. She also used the Jumbrotron in her performance. It was simulating a giant IMAX of Weather. But, oddly enough, my focus wasn't on the Jumbotron for Fertado's song. I couldn't stop staring at her bangs. I swear...she had more bangs than she had head. I think they started from the base of her neck and came over the top of her noggin. They were truly mesmerizing...and a little frightening.

Chess Pie & Chest Hair...I don't know which I like better.

Don's Favorite Chess Pie
as told by Sue Powers

Serves 6-8 (pansy servings) or 2-4 (Powers servings)

1 9-inch pie shell, unbaked
3 eggs
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups sugar
Pinch salt (don't make it cry, though)
1/4 tbsp vinegar

Prepare unbaked pie shell. Mix butter and sugar and simmer slowly, stirring for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool slightly, stirring constantly. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well. Add vanilla, salt, and vinegar, mix well. Pour filling into pie shell and bake at 400 F for 15 minutes; reduce heat to 350 F and bake for 20-30 minutes. Shake pie gently. It is done when center quivers slightly. Do not try to double recipe. Pie keeps well in the refrigerator overnight. Can freeze and reheat.

Kimmell came out and tried his hand again at making a joke. While introducing Billy Ray Cyrus, Kimmell said Cyrus had the worst hair in show business when his career first began. But Billy Ray trumped Kimmell's attempt at humor by walking out with an even worse hair-do than his original mullet. He sported the Keith Urban. And, folks, let me tell you...it was truly one achy, breaky hair-do.

Kate Walsh (Grey's Anatomy's Addison) came out with fellow cast members, Isaiah Washington and Justin Chambers. Kate looked absolutely amazing...her legs were as shiny as a teenage fry cook's forehead. But Chambers looked as if he couldn't get out of there fast enough...can't say I blame him. I was glad I WASN'T there. The three of them introduced Snow Patrol...some European group who, apparently have had their song downloaded a million times. Suffice it to say, I wasn't in that million...I didn't recognize song and thought it was horrible. Plus, when they were introduced, I was thinking members of the Soul Patrol were about to perform...so, yeah, I was a little disappointed.

Then Gwen Stefani came out to perform. At first I thought she was Chrissy Snow and I started searching the stage for Jack and Janet. But it was Gwen...sportin' some killer Suzanne Somers' hair. Then...while my head was still spinning from her hair...Stefani started singing strains of "Lonely Goatherd" from "The Sound of Music." I felt my chest swell with pride because I realized I was as cool as Stefani...for you see...I carry "Lonely Goatherd" with me at all times on my iPod (and, uh, I can sing it by heart...including the yodels...blushes).

But I quickly came to my senses and realized I wasn't all that cool after all. Stefani began mixing yodels and grunts and raps and yells and one very kickin' drum corps to create "Wind It Up"...a mix between "Goatherd and "My Humps." I gotta admit...it was great. Very entertaining and fun and original and creative. I'll be downloading it for sure.

JZ performed next and I left the room to check on my pecan pies.

I came back to find Vanessa Williams presenting some reflective moments on the AMAs and she looked FABULOUS...better than any performer. I want to be Vanessa Williams.

Blah, blah, blah...Paris Hilton...blah, blah, blah...Jamie Foxx...blah, blah, blah...Sharon Stone's nipples...blah, blah, blah...Dixie Chicks, who would have sounded great if it weren't for Natalie Manes losing her breath and the sound cutting in and out.

OOoooo...Tenacious D...I remember when they were funny. Tonight, however, they performed an entire song pushing their sure-to-be-crappy movie, "Pick of Destiny." I guess it's supposed to be ironic. But it's not. It's just sad and lame and all I can think of at this point is that I'm now DYING to see Taylor.

Mary J. Blige sings. She's looking great...sounding pretty good, too. I just don't like her music...but she is working it.

I have, however, at this point in the show, come to a verdict about the music industry today (to build a little more on the conversation at Gray's the other day). I think the Buggles were the most prolific group of our time....video (all of television for that matter) truly has killed the radio star. Between Sharon's nipples, Nelly's bangs, the Pussycat Dolls' ummm...err...uhhhh...singing...I couldn't shake the notion that the music industry is focused more on show than on sound. And it's truly sad.

I would so rather hear good music and have my own thoughts about it than to be sold it via sex, clothes, make-up, jewelry, pyrotechnics, Jumbotrons, bangs, and bad jokes.

...climbs down from soapbox

On to Lionel Richie. It's during his 1 millionth performance of "All Night Long" that we are treated to the best shot of the evening...Pat Boone, wearing gold lame', clapping his hands, and jammin' in the street...all night long.

Finally, Taylor comes out and presents some award for, I think, Hip Hop and R&B. He is co-presenting with Kirk Franklin (who had won an award earlier in the evening for best inspirational artist). Taylor has gotten his gray locks shorn and...DANG...he looks good. He looked excited to be there...and I was excited FOR him to be there. Plus, he did a great job. It's refreshing to see true enthusiasm for such an event. I only hope he can maintain that fresh approach...and not ever get jaded and cocky...like so many of the artists who were there last night.

The next performance was by Fallout Boy. I have never heard this group perform. I know none of their songs. I'm not even a big fan of screaming rock anthems. But, I have to say, these guys were tight. I was totally blown away. They obviously took pride in making the best SOUNDS as possible. I respected their performance tremendously and may have to check out their other stuff online.

All throughout the show, the announcer (who had raided Doc Sevrenson's jacket collection) kept saying "Up next, Barry Manilow." But Manilow didn't show. I kept wondering why they were saving him until the end.

Then he came out and sang...and I knew why.

He was great. Barry Manilow, ladies and gentlemen...the only man alive who can pull off "jazz hands." Barry...what the world needs now...is more like you, baby.

Best acceptance speeches of the night...hands down, came from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They were hilarious and fun and showed that they have talent and a quite a knack for entertaining...even via satellite from London. Their impromptu rap and mockery of the timed acceptance speeches were lots of fun.

The finale was performed by Snoop Dogg and some other guy (sorry, I don't care enough to look up his name). The song was simply touching and heartfelt...as was the opening shot...a close-up of a pole dancer's butt. I'm sure her mother is proud. Sorry, I know Taylor thinks highly of Snoop Dogg, but I don't. This was terrible.

Okay...before NOLAgirl and DD have a stroke wondering why I didn't mention the performance of our beloved John Mayer...please let me explain.

I think Mayer should have been the finale. His was the best performance of the night. He hit every lick. His pitch was great. He was entertaining. The song was wonderful. And he didn't look too shabby, either.

So...because the AMAs screwed up and let Snoop handle the finale...I decided to rectify it here and end with Mayer.

Oh...and a parting shot of our Monkbot's new 'do, coupled with my Aunt Edith's famous Pecan Pie.

Pecan Pie & Taylor Hicks...I like my men like I like my pies...a little nutty.

Aunt Edith's Pecan Pie
as told to Aunt Ada then written to Sue Powers in the 1970s

3 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 cup white Karo
1 cup pecans
1 tsp. vanilla
Pinch of salt

Beat eggs. Add sugar and stir well. Add Karo, vanilla, and salt. Add pecans and pour into 9-inch unbaked pie shell. Bake in hot oven, 425 F, for about 15 minutes or until crust begins to brown and pie begins to bubble. Then turn oven to 350 F and bake until top is brown but filling is still shaky when pie pan is moved. about 20-30 minutes. Then turn oven to 250 F and cook till filling is firm and nicely browned.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my monkbots!

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